There’s a girl in my class who thinks I’m her BFF but when I get on her bad side she’s really mean, but she only has a few friends. What should I do?

That is a great question but a hard one to answer because there really isn’t a “right” answer but here is what I think.

You are in a difficult situation. The impression I get is you want to be kind and a friend to this girl in your class but because of her actions and attitude she makes being a friend a challenge, even a bit scary. Do you know what we call people like that? EGR’s, which stands for Extra Grace Required! EGR’s are people God allows into our lives that we need to show extra grace to because they challenge us in someway or another. That means we need to show them extra forgiveness, patience, love, and understanding. And guess what? We all have EGR’s in our lives; you do, I do, your parents do, everyone does. You know what else; we are probably an EGR to someone else, too.

So, what can we do to help us deal with EGR’s? First of all pray. Pray for that person and her needs that you know of. Then pray for God’s wisdom, love, patience and understanding for yourself.

One of the things that I try to keep in mind when dealing with an EGR is that the person might not know better. You mentioned that your EGR only has a few friends. That tells me she probably doesn’t know how to be a friend. In her attempt to control others to be her friend she becomes mean. Definitely not the way a true friend should act. When she does something mean try talking to her about it. She may not realize how her words or actions make you feel.

If she keeps being mean, then if possible try and set some kind of boundary or limit to the amount of time you are around her. Not to be mean to her but for your own protection. God does not want you to be disrespectful or hurtful to anyone but He also does not want others to be disrespectful or hurtful to you.

I know how you are feeling. I remember going through the same type of situation when I was your age (yes, I can remember back that long ago) but I have also been in that situation as an adult. It is a terrible feeling. Keep your eyes on Jesus and he will help you get through this. Your parents probably have some great advice. I bet they have been in the same situation too. I’ll be praying with you. Keep me posted on how things are going.

What am I supposed to because at recess I want to hang out with my friend, but people on the field say so many bad words?

This is an excellent – and a tough – question. Based on my experience, here is one thing you might do. First, if kids are using bad language against you, just simply leave. You have to protect yourself from people who are trying to hurt you. (You might need to get an adult involved if these kids are really aggressive.)

Second, if you and your friend are just hanging out, and other kids are using bad language just to be cool, just ignore their language. Don’t ignore THEM, but ignore their LANGUAGE. Don’t react to it. Don’t copy them either. Most people use bad language (swearing or telling dirty jokes) to get attention. If you don’t give them attention, they often stop.

This is advice that would honor God. If you would like to sit down and talk more with me about this, I would be happy to chat with you. I hope this will help you a little, though. I’m proud of you for asking this question, and I appreciate the courage it takes to try to do the right thing.

Two of my friends are growing apart and are talking badly about each other to me. What should I do? Should I even be involved?

That is a difficult question and situation, isn’t it? But, I have an answer for you! We have been studying about love these past few weeks and the Bible verse we’ve been looking at is 1 Corinthians 13:1-7. I want you to look at verse 5, in particular, which states, “It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs.”

If you truly care about these two friends, think about the words, “It is not rude.” Hmmm…I wonder what that means? Do you know? Well, here’s what it means: it means you shouldn’t listen to gossip. You should love your two friends and tell them that they need to talk to each other, not you. REMEMBER, do this with kindness and gentleness!!! Verse 1 says that, “Love is patient, love is kind.”

Your friends are trying to make you pick one of them over the other so that they can boast to the other that you are on their side. Yikes!!! You don’t want to be in that situation!

Here’s what I’d do: tell each of your friends that you love them both but that they need to talk to each other. Tell them that you’re gonna pray for both of them and hope that God helps them become friends again.

To answer your second question, unfortunately, because they are both coming to you and gossiping about the other…you are already involved. It’s kinda hard to put the toothpaste back in the tube once it’s been squeezed out! BUT, you can tell them that you are not choosing sides and you really don’t want to talk badly about one of them behind their back.

If they say, “Yeah? Well, this person is really stupid so I’m not going to be their friend anymore!” You should say, “Well, have you talked to them about this? I mean really talked to them?” Then tell your friends it makes you sad to see them fighting. Encourage them to talk to each other.

Now, having said all that, I want you to be prepared for the fact that they may not ever be friends again (which I pray doesn’t happen) but I also want you to realize it’s not going to be because of anything you did or did not do. Please don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself, okay?