Is divorce a sin when your wife is like sinning and cussing and drinking?

Wow, now that is an interesting question because Jesus was asked a similar question in Matthew 19. First, though, let’s get a firm Biblical perspective on what God’s position on divorce is. I think what God says in Malachi 2:16 is pretty blunt and to the point: “I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel.” Then, in Matthew 19:9, Jesus supports God’s position by stating “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

This verse seems to imply that divorce is okay if one of the spouses commits the sin of adultery against the other spouse. Remember, the Bible is written from the male perspective so this passage means that if either of the two spouses, husband or wife, commits adultery then the other can get a divorce and remarry without being considered a sinner. Now, the question is, is this only applicable to the sin of adultery? Can we interpret it to include all sin? The answer is yes, it only applies to adultery and does not include other sins like cussing or drinking.

In fact, Jesus even states that it has only been since the time of sin entering the world that God allows the adultery stipulation. This was not so in the beginning of time and that Moses only allowed divorce because peoples’ “heart were hardened.”

Bottom line: God does not want people to get a divorce. When two people get married and they make that marriage covenant with God, they basically become one flesh, just like it’s written in Genesis 2:24. And when you make a covenant with God, you better be serious because breaking that covenant can lead to serious repercussions! God even says, “Therefore, what I (God) have joined together, let no man put asunder.”

The marriage union is a very serious covenant in God’s eyes and should not be dissolved, especially for some of the trivial reasons people use today. In the case of someone who cusses or drinks, while those are terrible things, they can be corrected through counseling and therapy. We have to be willing to take that first step, though. I know that God wants us all to do whatever we can to keep the marriage covenant.

Remember, God sent His one and Only Son to die for our sins. He can forgive people who cuss and people who drink. If we can’t, then we diminish His death on the cross. Some sins are hard to overcome, believe me, I know! But, remember also what Paul wrote to the citizens of Philippi in the Book of Philippians, Chapter 4, verse 13: “I can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives me strength.”

My cousin doesn’t know if he wants to divorce or not and I want to help him with that decision by using Bible verses. Can you help me find some?

Thank you for your courage in asking a difficult question.

I suggest you go an excellent Christian website called Bible Gateway. Go to http://www.biblegateway.com/ and enter the Keyword “divorce” into Quick Search.

Quick Search allows you to see how many times any one word (like divorce) is used in the Bible. It shows every verse where that word is used. When we plug in the word divorce, we get 33 Bible verses. That’s a lot of Bible verses!

First, if you look through all those verses, a lot of other questions and issues will pop up, and I think it would be a good thing if you used Bible Gateway with your mom or dad so that they could help you right away with other questions that might come up.

There are a couple of big ideas that come out of all these verses. Here are a few of the important ones – (1) divorce happens, even in the Bible, even with God’s people (2) there are certain times when God allows divorce Matthew 5:32 (3) God still hates it, though Malachi 2:16 (4) divorce is not God’s plan for a marriage Matthew 19:4-6.

Much of what the Bible has to say about divorce comes from the perspective that God wants the very, very best for His people. He asks His people to be holy (set apart, committed to him, different than the world) because He is holy (perfect and pure). The whole book of Leviticus (which talks about divorce a lot) can be summarized in one verse "Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy" Leviticus 19:2. So God asks for His people to live to His high standard, not the world’s standard, because He is our Creator, He loves us, and He wants the very best for us.

Since your cousin may not know what the Bible says about divorce, probably the best way you can talk to him about this is to let him know that you care about the trouble he is having in his life. By showing him that you care, you will be the light of Jesus and the love of God to him. Even if it is not possible to prevent this divorce, we can always know that no sin is too much for Jesus to forgive. And please don’t give up on him. And please continue to pray for him. Most of all, I hope that your cousin can learn about how much God loves him, and begin to make his choices based on a relationship with God.

Even though I do encourage you to know what the Bible says about divorce, and I do encourage you to connect with your cousin and share your concern about him, the responsibility for how this all ends up belongs to God. It won’t be your fault if you try to reach him and he still gets divorced. That is God’s responsiibilty. I am proud of you. I will pray for you. Keep in touch. Let me know if I can help you. Thanks for a fantastic Apple Box question.